I have not had much free time lately, but today I found myself up north (Elyria) with a few hours to kill so I decided to go see a movie. The only movie that fit my time frame was Immortals, so I decided to do it. There was an elderly couple in front of me in line, and I was kind of curious to hear what movie they were about to see because there really wasn't much playing at the time. Much to my surprise, it was Immortals. Weird, I thought. From the previews I had seen, Immortals looked like a mindless blood-fest designed by comic book guys for comic book guys. Not a chick flick, not an old-foagie flick. I went in and got seated in my favorite spot in the theater, which is the middle of the very top row (the fat row, we call it). Eventually they old couple came in with some popcorn and sat down. And then two old ladies. And then two old men. And then a group of old people. I couldn't believe it. I did a demographics check of the theater, and when the movie started, there were 17 of us there... 11 women, 6 men, and I was the only one that wasn't on Social Security. As the rest of the lights dimmed for the start of the movie, I heard the familiar sound of pop cans opening. Not only was every person in Immortals over 60, but half of them snuck in their own drinks.
The previews were an uninteresting lot. The first one was for the Avengers, which, while I'm sick and tired of nerdy comic book movies, looked mildly entertaining. The next four movie previews did absolutely nothing for me and I have no desire to see any of them (some Marky Mark movie about counterfeiting money, a cliched "chick gets trained to kill, then betrayed, and then seeks revenge" piece of crap that really annoyed me, and sequel of a movie that I have refused to watch (Ghost Rider) and Mission Impossible, which has Tom Cruise in it). The one that did catch my eye is a movie about the Navy Seals called Act of Valor coming out in February. I will most likely check it out.
Immortals was pretty much what I expected it to be. It was made by the same people that made 300, which I thought was a travesty. The plot is simple... Hyperion King of the Heraklians (Mickey Rourke) was on a mission to get the Epirus Bow and use it to release the Titans from some mountain so that they could wage war against Zeus and the gods, whom Mickey Rourke had a major beef with. A peasant named Theseus, basically chosen by Zeus, eventually leads the Greeks in battle against the Heraklians, the Titans get released, alot of people, monsters, and gods die, and Theseus becomes a god, setting up a sequel. Visually, the movie is very much like 300, meaning dark and with endless blood. Mickey Rourke did a great job as the twisted blood-lusting villain and the oracle was played by a rather attractive young lady, but the acting was hamstrung by the weak plot, writing, and general absurdity. This movie was made for teenage guys and nerds, not for anyone that has an interest Greek mythology. Through the whole movie I kept questioning myself as to why all these old people were here, what could be going through their minds as they were watching this, and if they were actually awake.
In summary, watching Immortals was kind of like watching someone else play a violent video game. Boring, unfulfilling, and has you waiting for it to end so you can do something else.
